i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
