So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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