Jerry, you need to find god
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
