She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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