so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
