You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Houston, we have a squirter
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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