Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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