I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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