I love black thongs
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
