My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
