Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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