you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize