Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
