Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
