i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
it's like iHOP with fire
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize