Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
