i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
