I wanna bring you to show and tell
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
