I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
