Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
