I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
