so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
