her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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