is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
