Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ketchup is God's man juice
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
