i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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