I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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