Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
