My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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