I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
