I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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