I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
