You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
even my farts smell like vagina
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
