Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
