Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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