DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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