I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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