But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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