We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Randomize
