I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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