another moral hangover. fuck.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
