for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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