You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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