i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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