Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
