Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
