how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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