my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
