WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There are leaves in my underwear?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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