I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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