So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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