I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
