i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
