I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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