margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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