I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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