took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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