Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
