when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Life is so much better after having sex.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
