i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
