you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
