Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
