well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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