Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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