I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize