He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
