GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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