so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize