tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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