Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I use my feet as sexual weapons
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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