You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
