My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
