There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
