just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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