u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Randomize
