So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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