you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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