Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize