I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
