If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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