I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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