Screwed.edu
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
