Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
