I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I am one with the molecules
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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