and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize