Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I cannot find my penis.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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