All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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