I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
