got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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