i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
