Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
