So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize