Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
