Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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