What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
