I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize