Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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